Dear girls who have been cheated on,
It is possibly one of the most painful things in life to experience. The pain may be temporal but the experience will stay with you forever. In fact, it will most likely play a factor in your next relationship. But don't let it stop you from believing in love again. Not every guy will be an asshole. It may be hard to comprehend at that moment but one day, someone will come along and make you believe in happily ever afters again. Unless you're me and you get two assholes in a row. I was unlucky, but yet, here I am. I am more sure of myself than ever before, I know what I want now because of those horrible experiences, I know how strong I am and how much stronger I can be. And for all that, despite the pain I felt, I am thankful and I feel blessed. To be fair, after history repeated itself the second time around, I walked away without tears or sadness because I knew, from experience, I will and I can move on.
So with my vast share of experience being cheated on, here is my honest advice. It will hurt. You will feel like you will never get over it. You will feel like you can never find or be with anyone else. You will replay your relationship over and over and over again for weeks. You will blame yourself for not doing more to avoid the situation from happening. It will happen but let me tell you something, you are not alone. It is normal. It is natural. It is the process we go through to comprehend, understand and break, in order to rebuild, to move on, to get over it. But it doesn't stop there. More than likely, it will affect your relationships after. Do not be ashamed. It is normal. It is natural. You have gone through what others will never understand. Do not let anyone else tell you 'you're the crazy ex-girlfriend' or 'you just have to get over it'. They don't understand. Unless they have experienced being cheated on, they will never, ever, understand what you are feeling and what it feels like.
When you go into your next relationship, regardless of how happy you are, how well he treats you, you will have your doubts deep down. You will always have trust issues when he goes out clubbing with the boys. You might not say anything, you might seem like the cool girlfriend who dgaf, but we both know, your mind is racing with all the worst case scenarios. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe that was just me. But let's be real, let's be honest. It is ok to worry, it is ok to have an internal conflict of wanting to be the cool girlfriend but yet, having the past hanging over your head. It is normal. It is natural. That being said, it is no case for you to over react at everything. If he is texting a girl, please do not accuse him immediately of being shady. If he is laughing at a girl's joke, please don't accuse him of being flirty. If you want to break out of this cycle you are in, to be truly happy and in love, you need to be the one who mends yourself.
Even though you are hurt, lost and betrayed by a love that once was, you are the only person who can save yourself. No amount of ice cream, girls night outs or D&Ms can help you. You need to be your own hero. Once you save yourself, you will be the most amazing, strong, confident woman you have ever met. The first step to saving yourself is loving yourself. When you were cheated on, you lost all self confidence, self-esteem, self-love. It is normal. It is natural. Finding a new boyfriend won't help you gain all those back. Only you can help yourself. Although it is normal to feel insecure in a new relationship, if you ever want to overcome it, you have to stop being a pessimist. You have to stop looking through his phone message on the daily. You will not feel better not finding a girl's number on there. You will not feel better even if he is speaking highly of you to his friends in the messages. Don't get me wrong, it is nice to know and perhaps you will get a sense of relief. But that relief is short term, it lasts until you see him again and you have this insatiable need to check up on his phone records again. It all starts with you.
Mend your own broken heart. Love yourself again. You are worthy, you are strong, you are independent. Until you really believe you are those things, nothing will get better for you. It is the bitter truth of being a girl who has been cheated on. Life has served you shit on a silver platter. You need to make a conscious decision on how you are going to handle it. Just remember, you are not alone. It happens to both girls and boys. And we all deal with it the same way. It is up to you to change your life. It is up to you to choose happiness. It is up to you to feel real love again.
Dear boys who are dating girls who have been cheated on,
You have the most wonderful, beautiful honour of dating a girl who has been cheated on. Treasure her, love her, because with the right kind of care and love, she will be everything and so much more than you can imagine. She is stronger than the average girl, she is so much more loving than your previous girlfriend, she is more deserving of your time and love than any girl out there. We can be insecure, we can lack self confidence, we can lack self esteem, we can be pessimistic. We don't want to be. But we are. We do so not because we don't trust you, we do not think you are out with another girl if you don't reply, we are all those things for ourself- in order to protect ourself, to put ourself first, to avoid history from repeating itself.
The fact that you are dating her is already a sign of strength on her part. When she was cheated on, all ideas of love, loyalty, happily-ever-after were put to death. In that moment of brokenness, the girl you are dating would never, in a million years imagine herself being with someone else. She never in a million years believe she would ever love again. Yet, here you are, putting that beautiful smile on her face. You are special and so is she. It takes strength and immense amount of believe for her to let you through the wall she had built up over night of crying herself to sleep replaying every single detail of what she did wrong.
So if you are privileged and have the honour of dating a girl who have been cheated, understand her. Understand that sometimes her absurd behaviour and actions are not because she is crazy, but because she doesn't believe someone like you is looking at her the way you do. She will heal eventually and become the most amazing girl you have ever met. But it may take time, it will take patience, it will take understanding, but since you are already dating her, you must already know she is worth the wait.